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Johnny's Jive

2013

 

Well, my fellow meat sticks, it looks like we made it through another year. Soon our reptilian overlords will descend from their base on comet Pion to bite off our ears and tails like you do to your helpless Easter bunnies and YOU WILL DESERVE IT! Poor little chocolate rabbits. Much better in a brandy and plum sauce, but I digress.

I celebrated my glorious 65 birthday this year, a time full of satisfied reflection along the eager contemplation of a fruitful future; a moment when a mature soul bathes in the accolades of friends and sups the sweet wine of a life well lived. Where was I? In my SICKBED! With a monster attack of the gout and a low grade fever AND A YEARNING FOR SURCEASE. Now, I’m a stalwart fellow. I could have grit my teeth and given a heartbreaking grin like some handsome, mustachioed English actor in a WWI movie, but because of my medication, I WASN”T ALLOWED TO DRINK! Even a downed pilot, lying in the wreckage of his Sopwith on some windswept Flanders field, has a flask of body temp brandy to dull the sheer existential ennui of it all. Me,no. I get aspirin and a cup of weak tea. That I had to make myself. But I’m not complaining. One of the few slivers of sunlight that shone through my grimy hovel window…OK, OK , Kazee, I’m overdoing it. STFU!…was the gift package from the Front Rowers. Thank you so much. A beautiful bottle of Sinatra Jack Daniels, which I understand was pressed from his kidneys the day he died. I just wish he hadn’t had asparagus in his last meal. But never mind. The other nice gift was good people coming to the Poor Fools gigs. And Con’s cupcakes. And the love of so many wonderful people. And Rainbows and birds in spring and oh, I think my pain medication is kicking in and the whiskey and some wine and, and, and….

See you New Years at the Basie.

Wheeeeeeeeeeee………………………..

 

Greetings and hallucinations! Oh, me fellow Jukensians, I am so sorry for lying doggo for so long, but the swirly and hurly and burly of my fantabulous life has rendered me hor-de-disco and I just can’t seem to put the party to bed!

In other words, I’ve been sitting on my couch watching Judge Judy and eating bon-bons. With a cat on my lap.

I DON’T OWN A CAT!

But it has been a working summer and I’m glad of that. Many shows and benefits and Poor Fools gigs and suchlike. I hope I made some money, cause this damn cat won’t eat nothin’ but Copper River Salmon. Meanwhile, Uncle Southside is chowing down on 9 Lives. The liver and bacon ain’t bad.

But I was most joyed to see all the towns on the Jersey shore up and running this summer after all the crap we’ve gone thru. Kudos to the many, many crews that put things back together and thanks also to the bennies who came and spent their hard earned shekels on soft ice cream and hard likker and cold beer and hot Vic’s pizza. You are always welcome, no matter what we might say.

We Jukes have more shows and I hope you all can get to them because, let’s face it. They just ain’t no fun without you.

I hope to make a start on a new Jukes album this year, but ya gotta tell Kazee that his 17 year old going to college is no reason to stop creating. She’ll be fine. Hell, she’s a lot smarter that he’ll ever get to. I am going to start a new contest soon. There will be real prizes…things you want. Cameras and passes for life and apps that you can use, etc, etc, etc. So please take part. It will involve photo shopping pics from us. And remember; anything goes.

Love and

Goddammit! Stop peeing on them 45s!

Damn cat.

 

Greeting from not Asbury Park!

The Yukes and I are in Europe for our annual tour and pillage. Currently, we are subjugating Holland and will be sending back tulips and clogs for everyone.

Then off to Norway for raw herring on a hot dog bun and grass-covered houses. We'll be send you some a them, too. No, no...don't thanks us.

Also on what is laughably called our "itinerary" are 4 towns in England no-one has heard of since Edward II had his unfortunate run-in with a hot poker. Like, ouch, man.

We end our little escapade in sunny Milan, where that vast, sucking sound you hear will be the band slurping up all the linguini in the entire city. Plus gaboodeels...whatever they hell they are. Joe P wants to meet the Pope, but the Pope doesn't want to meet him. Who would? Scary dude.

After being deported from the whole of Europe and surrounding territories, we will be rowing our way back into your hearts and pantries. That's pantries, Dude, not...never mind.

We have many shows this summer and some other exciting stuff that I haven't been told about yet, so stay tuned for the latest disaster updates, and make sure you have enough potable water and toilet paper on hand for the duration.

It could get nasty out there.

Uncle South.

 

AAAAAAAAAAAnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd as we run screaming from a truly horrific old year into a brand-y shine-y new one, we all breath a collective sigh of relief, raise our glasses and drink deep from the wassail cup of hope, dreams and togetherness. Or something like that.

I greet all my fellow Jukians with um…greetings! I hope you all had as festive a holiday season as you could, legally or otherwise. Thanks to all for another fun New Year’s show at the Basie and thanks to Sirius Radio for having the cojones to put us on live. The Basie tribe was, as ever, welcoming and helpful, and the Jukes and crew appreciate it muchly. Also deserving of kudos are Tim Drake at Roots Booking Agency and Harvey “The Noodge” Leeds, manager extrodinaire…sometimes. Jukes, Joe, Hood, Pete; you know I love ya, I just yell because I know it amuses you. Bastards. Thanks to Larry, and Jason and all the sound dudes, Carol Gerber for the many things she does without my knowledge. No, no, Carol; don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. And to all you goofy fans of this screwball outfit; you have, once again, made my life worthwhile. Thank you always.

Now, on to another front. Or is that font. No Johnny; it’s front. You dummy. OK, I get it. Back off.

My alternate reality, The Poor Fools, have finished recording our first CD, and it is being mixed as we type. Well, I type, you read. I hope. Please?

The CD will be an melange of styles, tunes, instruments, singers and Foolery. I had a delightful time making it, and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did. Or else.

I am in the process of writing new material for a Jukes CD, but when it will be done is anyone’s guess. No man knows the day or the hour…year, even. Oy But all of these endeavors will eventually bear fruit. Well, a couple of lemons and a rutabaga at least. Is rutabaga a fruit? What’s the difference between a rutabaga and a Winnebago? Are either related to lumbago? Can you dance the Lambada with lumbago? Why do you people ask me these things? Can’t you see I’m busy? Uncle Southside doesn’t know everything!

In closing, I want to remind youse that you neighbors here in Jersey need your help in getting back on their feet. Also our friends in Breezy Point and all the other hard-hit areas. I’m sure we will be doing many benefit and feel-better concerts this coming year, and all you have to do is come and be your usual crazy selves. Is that too much to ask? No. Get on it.

Tata for now;

Southside.

The Jives