Southside Johnny.com: John's Jive

June 2-200000001

There have been a number of polite inquiries as to when a new jive might be appearing. The full truth of the matter is that my day is so filled with trivial but
necessary tasks that I find it difficult, nay, virtually impossible to complete this seemingly simple assignment. To put it in more concise terms: GET OFFA MY %$#^&*ING BACK!!!!!

Now to the news. The ever-lovin' Jukes (and poor, poor pitiful me...or I) will be winging our way to Europe this month. Much like the Visigoths descending on Rome or the Vikings landing in Britain, we are sure to leave a size 14 EEE footprint in the sands of time. The horn section alone should be able to duplicate the ravages of the locust plague in Egypt. I mean, forget D-Day, THE JUKES ARE COMING! THE JUKES ARE COMING!

Picture it: Louie in the British House of Lords...speech, then drum solo. Bobby, wearing his best grease monkey shirt, eating tripe in a fine French restaurant. Kazee letting loose on the great organ in the cathedral in Cologne. Muddy mobbed by crazed Italian chicks who mistake him for a younger Jean-Paul Belmondo. I'm sure our horn guys can find an oom-pah band in Switzerland to jam with, whether the oom-pahers want to or not. Me....well, of course, I'm never any trouble at all! Just a simple country boy from the woods of the Jersey Shore. I'll be in my room sipping tea and reading my missal.

There are a LOT of shows in a short time during the Euro tour, so all of you foreigners better TREAT US NICE! Gifts of Swiss chocolate and French wine, etc. will be gratefully accepted, and, please, no poking Ed Manion with sharp sticks. He told me he doesn't like that anymore. Joey Stann has sent out a request for the hottest red pepper available. He needs it for his breakfast herring. Chris has informed me that the next person who calls him "Mark" will have to have Chris' trumpet surgically removed from his bum. Fair warning, all.

We are supporting Jersey Jon Bonjovi and his crew of miscreants for the latter part of the tour. He and his boys are terrific people and we always have a good time with them. (Bobby; Richie says leave his wife alone, she doesn't like you...but then again, who does?)

When we finish the devastation, we will be returning to the land of milk and burgers. There will be as many American dates as we can book...providing they let us back into the country. I have gotten a request to play in all parts of the good old U.S. It is truly gratifying to think that folks still want to hear an old grump like me. Must be the band. Or the free beer. I will try to play wherever I can. You know me...I don't need no fancy joint. Of course, I can't possibly perform unless my private dressing rooms are Jacuzzi equipped and painted in my personal shade of fuchsia. Oh yes, the Crystal must be at precisely 36 degrees or my vocal chords will refuse to cooperate. Demanding? Yes, but
what is a diva to do? Or is that devo? Never mind.

Anywayhowwho, we are looking forward to a ton of fun playing and jiving and generally just messin' round wit da blues... and youse!

See you in the mess hall,
Southside Johnny