Southside Johnny.com: John's Jive

06/01/04 Spring has sprung Da grass is rizz I wonder where all Da flowers is? J. W. v.Goethe

Ah yes, my true companions; the winter wind hath cease'd blowing, icecicles no longer threaten to impale the family cat, and picturesque urchins, with their jaunty caps, tattered scarves and sleetgrey Glock 9mms no more traipse from house to house singing carols and extorting pension checks from festive, terrified oldsters. What can it all mean?

Well, I'll tell ya what it means, dadgummit! It means we have once again skipped right over Spring and leapt, redskinned and sweating, right into another Saharan Summer. Last Friday it was 98 degrees F in my 'hood. And I do mean "F". AND IT'S NOT EVEN JUNE YET!!!!!! The local EMS team has already treated 7 people for heat prostration...and that was just at the "BROWN-LIKE-A-MOFO" tanning salon and nail emporium. Seems a clutch of teeners went into a standup booth together with a six pack and a tube of Oil of Olay. Nuff said. They didn't come out for six hours. Talk about lobster ala mode. I'm surprised the EMS guys didn't just slather clarified butter on the goofballs and start handing out nutcrackers and them little forks. The future of America. We're doomed. Butbutbutbut;',.;';., There's good news(?) on the horizon! Yes. That's it to the left. No, to the left. Look...right next to the Nuke plant that went China yesterday. No, no; that's the sewage plant that caught fire last week. No, no no that's my new car that....HEY! Ah, shoot. Well, there IS good news. The comin' in of summer means that, with the proper security checks, admonitions, loyalty oathes, inoculations, and hefty insurance premiums, the Jukes may be allowed to enter YOUR town again...and play! So far, it's looking good. Most of the guys have passed muster, and those who have certain , shall we say, clouds hanging over their heads, visa-wise, I feel sure will finally be exonerated and released and unshackled and Thorazined enough so's as to be ...ah...tourable? What a jolly thought! Makes me want to hear another Xmas carol....uh, no...the last one cost me my plasma TV screen and a mint copy of "Gloria" by the Cadillacs. Damn urchins. Anywhatsowhomever, we WILL be out and about, soon, and we would jes' looove to see all yer shiney faces and heads this summer. Our first gigs are at the Morristown Theater in...er....Morristown, N.J., one of my favourite places to play because it is such a swell sounding joint and we are always a little more, shall I say, musical, there. I know it's not a knock-down drag-out bar, but at least they pay us! We will endeavor to play EVERY song each and EVERY one want to hear EVERY night. In yer dreams. Oh. And for those who want to hear something from "Trash It Up"' Here 'tis: "Do-do-do-do-do-do-do, do do do, do do." Repeat End of transmission Southside