I'm super thrilled you guys are exercising your manifest destiny and heading West of the Mississippi. I can't wait to see you in Montana! I've already got my tix for the shows but I hit a little snag. See, I called around up there and not a single one of The Dude ranches will teach me to play trombone. Now I'll never be cool... Any advice?
Shauna - Los Angeles, CA

Why is a dead snake in the road more tragic than a dead trombonist in the road?
1. The snake may have been on the way to a recording session.
2. There are skid marks in front of the snake.

What do you call a guy who knows how to play a trombone and doesn't?
A gentleman.

What do 4 trombones sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A good idea!

Still wanna learn how to play the trombone? In truth, the Dude does give lessons, but he gives them badly as he doesn't want the competition. And there's this; Playing the damn thing while riding a horse could cost you multiple cuspids, bicuspids and the respect of your fellow man. "I'm fighting for your dignity, which is more that you've ever done for it."
Groucho Marx.
Yes, we are getting on the old mule train to the vast wastelands of Montana, home to Garry Tallent, Huey Lewis, and a lot of bored sheep. But I do want to see the glaciers before they're gone. My refrigerator is, like, all broked up. I mistook it for an intruder late one night and attacked it with a baseball bat, and now it refuses to make ice for me any more. Sad, really.
I'm sure the Montanists will welcome the Jukes with open arms, which they will duly close and fire at us once they hear that trombone. Wasn't St Augustine a Montanist? That's OK; he only burnt heretics at the stake. I'm would imagine the folks out there call that "Bar-B-Que". Let's eat!

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